Dear friends,
Thank you so much again for an inspiring Sheva Brachot wedding celebration dinner. It meant so much to Jeremy and me to share this time in our lives with all of you.
In this past week’s Torah portion, King Balak hires a prophet named Bilaam to go curse the Israelites. After a serious of amazing adventures, Bilaam winds up blessing the Israelites with the words “Ma Tovu,” that we sing together in synagogue.
At a key moment in the story, Bilaam rides his donkey from Balak’s kingdom to the Israelites’ encampment to go curse them, but then the donkey stops, because she sees an angel telling them not to proceed. Not realizing the presence of the angel, Bilaam starts beating the donkey with a stick, urging her to move forward. Miraculously, at this moment, the donkey receives the gift, and tells him to stop beating her. “What have I done to you,” she says, “that you should treat me this way?” Only then are Bilaam’s eyes opened, and he is able to see the angel that the donkey has seen all along.
It is easy to criticize Bilaam for being foolish and cruel, but this past weekend, my friend Lee Moore asked a group of friends to imagine all the characters in the story – Bilaam, the donkey, and the angel – as parts of ourselves. We each contain the wise angel, who knows what is right. We each contain the ability to see what is really going on, like the donkey. And, we each contain a purpose-driven Bilaam, who guides us to achieve our goals, but sometimes misses what is really going on.
Though I wish I could say that I identify only with the innocent donkey and wise angel in the story, I realize that I recognize some of Bilaam’s behavior in myself. Just a couple of weeks ago, I crafted a scheme to create an elaborate “place card tree” for our wedding, with place cards hanging from the branches. Despite the fairly obvious barriers – we had the wrong sized tree, no space to put it, and no time to deal with this project, I blazed forward, ordering ribbons and paper clips and organizing people to make the final product. Like Bilaam, I was so fixated on my mission that I could not see what was right in front of me.
Further, when my mom and Jeremy pointed out that this wasn’t really the priority, rather than thanking them for the wisdom, I told them that they didn’t get my creative vision. I even resented them a bit for trying to stop me, even though I really knew that they just wanted to help me preserve my sanity. Like Bilaam, instead of listening to the wise voices close to me, I threw them under the proverbial bus. Indeed, unlike Bilaam, I did not beat my loved ones or speak unkindly to them, but I certainly did my best to goad them on against their will. And, eventually, I backed down, and everything was fine.
Reflecting on this story, I wish that I could have kept focus on my goal (welcoming our guests through personal and artistic place cards), but also been more like the donkey – aware of what is going on on a practical level, flexible to new wisdom. And I wish I could have been like the angel, able to have perspective and understand what is really important.
This month, I invite you to reflect on a time when you were very focused on a not-totally-attainable goal, when that focus led to a lack of awareness and/or to mistreatment of those you love. If you had to do it again, how might you cultivate an awareness of what is really going on, so as to stay focused on goals but also be observant and flexible? How can you stay kind to the people you care about most, even when their questions and challenges are hard to hear?
I bless us that we may see the angels guiding us through life, know our loved ones as the allies they are, and like Bilaam, may all our attempts at cursing others turn to blessings.
Rabbi Margie